9/29/2015 3 Comments
Love after Loss
Many of you knew my mother. She was the one who worked nights and cooked lunch for my friends and I, so we always had someone there for us while we were able to run around outside all day playing. When I was a teenager, she drove my friends and I all over town. She worked nights as a nurse in the intensive care nursery at one hospital for 40 years, which went through three different names while she worked there. She took care of many of my friends who were underweight or had medical conditions when they were born and she remembered every one of the babies she cared for.
As a young child, I watched both of my parents lose their parents. I thought about what it would be like to lose my parents. The first time I thought about losing my mother, I was around 8 years old and it occurred to me before going to bed one night that she wouldn't always be there for me to receive a hug from and the calming pat she always gave me when I was sad. She wouldn't always be there when I needed her to talk to and tell her anything and everything. I knew the day would come and I began to prepare myself for it and to accept it. I knew it would be the hardest day of my life.
The day arrived when my mother left her physical body in December 2013. As much as I knew it would happen one day, it did not make it any easier. The weeks that followed were filled with a pain in my chest that felt like there was a brick on my chest and a huge hole in my heart. This time was excruciating for me and it was difficult to just move on with daily life.
In April of 2014, I was talking with my boyfriend's grandma and she said, "You should go see Paula, this Shaman I visit with sometimes." I had no clue what a shaman was, but I felt like it was worth a try, so I booked an appointment right away.
In April of 2014, a door opened into a world that I had thought about all my life, but didn't know it really existed! I went to see Paula and she opened up the conversation by calling herself a wacky psychic and telling me her mother was so psychic she actually won the lottery. She gave me her opening, told me to get comfortable, so I took my shoes off and sat into the couch more. She then asked me, "Why are you here?" All I had to say was, "Well, my mother passed away recently and..." Paula's eyes got real big and she said, "Your mother is here." I couldn't see my mother, but I did have an overwhelming sense of calm and peace. Paula began to 'talk' to my mother. It was almost like being in a room with two people and one speaks your native language while the other is speaking in a foreign language. Only I couldn't hear the foreign tongue. She began to tell me things exactly like the way my mother would say them. She told me my mother is showing her a ring and she wants me to wear it and I will feel closer to her. She also mentioned to put a picture of her by my nightstand when she is smiling and happy in her 20s. She talked about her father, what happens when someone passes and since I was feeling so grief stricken, it is hard for me to hear or feel my mother, but I am capable of doing so. She told me many things my mother was saying and I was laughing and crying, sometimes both at the same time.
Why am I sharing this story? I have seen many of my friends suffer the loss of a parent or someone close to them recently. I would like to share my story to provide some comfort in my experience that the love doesn't end when our loved ones leave their physical bodies. Our loved ones never really leave us and are with us always. I feel my mother more now than I ever have. After I visited Paula, I constantly heard my mother's voice and phrases she used to say go through my head at any moment I needed them during the day. I hope this has provided some comfort and insight. Thanks for reading!